#i still see a lotta ppl hating on him and while he did feel a bit unnessecary as a love interest i genuinely found ron charming

[tenpixelsusie]

a heem heem whimper

[tellywoodtrash]

bade acche lagte hain 2 30.08.21 lb

this better be worth the time i'm not using to watch my hotass korean show (Mad Dog) or i'm gonna get captain holt lvl of huffy.

entry of nakuul sir to sad khnh heartbeat theme to establish sadboi credentials.

damn, ib camera work really did the most to make him look taller and more imposing huh? dude looking kinda puny here.

chick he's here to meet for...... breakup/goodbye/whatever looks suitably apologetic for the misery she about to cause.

he's promising this woman (vedu) that he'll accomplish something (oooooooooh mystery, but lbr, it's prolly that he'll move on/get married or some such shit) by agli baarish. seems like a weird way to establish a deadline, what with climate change and our weather patterns being totally fucked up, but.... ok whatever works for y'all.

music has transitioned to prem's tune from dum lagake haisha to REALLLLLLLLLLLY drive home point ki THIS IS A GOOD MAN WITH LOTS OF HEART, HE IS WORTHY OF TRUST THIS SOFT MAN. he better be coz i've put up with 3+ years of him playing an absolute demon, so........... i deserve this.

ok some creep is chup ke taking video of them. ok??? they're just standing a very respectable distance apart and talking very calmly. what's the point of taking video of that????

oh god samajh gaye na ki achcha aadmi hai, itna bhi don't beat us over the head with his niceness.

anyway, phir se resolute vaada has been delivered that he'll fulfill her wish by next year.

vedu going in for grateful feelsy hug but weather is cockblocking.

ofc he is a manic pixie baarish enjoyer. pft.

vedu like yeah ok mereko pneumonia nahi chahiye and peaces out, while sir vows internally his ek tarfa pyaar will last all life. yeah, let's see, bro. let's see.

video lene waale creep ka creep boss decides to hang on to that totally fucking non-controversial video as blackmail material. ok?????? such low stakes bs i swear.

1 saal baaad......... ram has upgraded to shiny silver shoes. guess he's been pandemic shopping for absolute nonsense things to just feel something on the inside, like the rest of us,

his friend/chamcha/whatever is asking him about the promise he gave vedika a year ago, and there's something about behen ki engagement, while ram is too busy snacking. same, bro, same.

his delhi waala asst introduces himself as varun and ram's like.... i'll call you tarun, i call all my assistants tarun. um ok wtf????? you can't be arsed to just remember the names of ppl who work with you????? ALSO IT'S JUST ONE LETTER DIFFERENT, YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THAT AND CALL HIM BY HIS GIVEN NAME????? GOD. I HATE RICH PPL.

backstory time; vedika went and married someone else, and wants her brother in law to marry ram's sister shivi. ok idgi, ismein itna bada promise waali kya baat thi???

anyway sadboi ram is like oh it's gonna be sooooo great, it'll be me and vedu, pandit hoga, dj hoga, ppl will come and dance and celebrate.... but it'll be someone else's shaadi. and i'm totallyyyyyy fine with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

friend/chamcha is like........ ummmmm ok sus, but whatever, i don't have the mental bandwidth to delve into this, so come let's do some random comedy. (which still isn't nakuul's strength. he only works when he's playing straight man to shenanigans happening around him, than participating in it himself.)

blah blah meeting time, where he throws around lotta buzzwords and jesus christ, i am so glad i don't have to sit in corporate meetings anymore.

character exposition time from chamcha to new asst varun/tarun: ram is best dealmaker businessman ever, a hypochondriac, insomniac, has sabse bada dil, loves his family beyond all else, and is a foodie extraordinaire. wow what an innovative and never seen before type of character played by nakuul mehta.

varun/tarun is asking chamcha friend what hopes he has for ram's life and future and like........ who are these ppl who think about their bosses like this? like, i don't give one flying fuck about my boss's life outside of work hours; as far as i'm concerned, they go back and lie in their coffins like vampires, till it's time to rise and make employees' lives difficult again.

anyway chamcha friend is like my friend is a lost child and i just want someone to help him come home. man fuck off, this dude looks perfectly sane and sensible and like he has a handle on all the shit in his life, so fuck off with this infantalizing bs. he doesn't need some woman to "fix" him.

moving to some college debate class where a chick is raving about mumbai ki baarish being an ~~~~~emotion~~~~, and like..... dude, have you seen your city's infrastructure????

the gen z college audience is like snapping their fingers to show agreement, and omg lol whutttttttt??????? is this a real thing young'uns do these days???? can't wait for when this gen reaches parliament.

priya is sitting in this class (evaluating/auditing it?) and scoffing at this trite romantic bs and gotta say she's a WHOLEASS MOOD.

snotty backbenchers are judging her (the new eng lit teacher.) whatever brats. focus on your snap streak or reel transitions or whatever it is that you kids these days care about.

passionate rain loving girl is like EXCUSE YOU MAAM WITH THE ROLLY EYES DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY BASICASS BAARISH LOVING PERSONALITY and priya's friend is like oh god don't start, they're just rich spoilt kids...... priya is like, if they're rich and spoilt, they're not kids, and if they're kids, they shouldn't be so spoilt..... logic is shaky but passable, but this isn't going to execute well sis.

priya destroys this pluviophile college crowd with her middle class logic and rationality and they cannot seem to handle the realness, coz they all like...........

cut to ram wanting pakode coz its thundering. casually skipping over fact that he just got a 400 cr deal signed in that meeting. pft.

cut to snotty kids bitching about how priya is pakau coz she's 32 and single and is "frustrated". because.......... we can't give ourselves orgasms????

anyway priya and her friend roll their eyes at the kids and their belief in "true wuv" as they discuss friend's divorce case and alimony issues, with patented balaji heroine dukhiyaari theme music in bg.

kids following her and saying the only man in her frustrated life is her autowaala. and honestly lemme tell y'all, that's the only reliable man needed in life.

priya's brother is ram's sister shivi's ex and he's depressed about her engagement to someone else and she has to go to some bakery to cheer him up or something.

shivi is in a snit about wanting last minute vegan cupcakes and not liking any of the shoes she has at her disposal, while ram tries to talk sense into her but..... ok i think i just don't care about ppl who are rich AND young. their issues are extra unworthy to me.

ram like she wants leather shoes and vegan cupcakes???? make it make sense, pls. he's right and he should say it.

anyway i think priya's fam runs the bakery snob sister wants her cupcakes from.

priya surrounded by a buncha lovelorn idiot siblings and is the only voice of sense here.

ram is calling to order the vegan cupcakes which should have no anda no sugar no maida and he's like what's even in these, hawa????

priya is like yeah these are our special ameeron ke chonchlein waale cupcakes with extra hawa, thanks for asking.

some bantering and bickering about him being kind of a rich dumbass and her totally not here for that bs.

lol he's like can i have a normal non healthy waala cupcake and she's like ok these are all the flavours we have, and he's like is there an "all in one" type, and she's like "nahi, aaj tak kisi ne itna laalach nahi kiya." lmaooooooooooooo.

before hanging up he asks if it's raining in mumbai (he's in delhi) and she's like oh great another fucking one of these baarish loving freaks.

omg one of his..... brothers???? is that ponky fellow from naagin 5. he has done cupcake pickup (800 cupcakes fit in in the trunk???? huh), one of which ram swiftly shoves in his gaping maw.

priya's siblings trying to keep her in the bakery after closing time, idk for what joy; while ram obsesses over gaadi ka ac not cooling enough and his eyes being red or some such...... idk man, i really don't care for rich ppl's problems.

he's switching out his silver shoes for gold ones. ick.

chamcha friend's name is adi and his wife is calling and she's mad and ram has been put on video call to cool her down. post hanging up, some stupid haha wives suck, they only feed you tinde kinda bs jokes.

priya is getting little toooo worked up over this romantic baarish spiel. sis, it's not thaaat deep. chill.

adi making some jab teri shaadi hogi jokes and ram gets all smiley sad again with khnh sad tune in bg.

priya ka bhi koi past heartbreak trauma ubhar aa raha hai and like...... get therapy sis.

ram ka car breakdown. rickshaw lena padega.

guess who else is standing on same street, cussing at the rain, and has her hand out for an auto.

she gets the auto first and he's standing outside haggling saying he'll pay double triple and all (they can't see each other coz she's lowered the rain shade on that side) and auto waala is like fml i hate my job i just wanna go home.

auto starts to drive away when priya hears ram lamenting ki meri behen ki sagaai hai yaaaaaar, and stops the auto to let him in, but his friends hailed another cab or something by then and he heads towards that.

precap: ram rushes in saying omg everyone must be waiting for meeeeeeee and i delayed the function, while engagement is full on going ahead without him only. priya's brother asks her how she felt about some maitreyi didi marrying her ex bf and she's like idgaf. shivi seems to have run away and come to priya's house (i guess back to her ex?) and ram's mom proposes priya and him get married. phew. too much information in 30 seconds.

[wxjunho]

slim shady vc guess who’s back 🤓 too late it’s gemma!! back at it again w another muse 🤪 this time i bring u hwang junho, a brickmason who decided to rebel for the first time in his life and embark on a Journey 2 b the greatest guardian fairy of All Time!!!! ( yes he calls that a rebellion just 2 giv u an idea of how goody-goody-2-shoes he is ) brace urselves for the antonym-of-wtv-a-summary-is of my man junho under the cut and as always, hit that LIKE button and i’ll come runnin 2 plot!! ok thank u 4 tuning in mwah

cap sun, aqua moon, virgo rising, lotta earth in his chart so u know he’s Grounded n Dependable

bg inspo: miguel from coco and a lil teeny tiny bit of mulan

the hwang family has this culture where they’re all super close-knit and just follows wtv the matriarch does

previously, they were literally all winx and specialists until the war w the witches which killed off like... 2/3 of the hwang family

after seeing all the death n loss, hwang matriarch ( junho’s great great grandmother ) basically said yeah nah we not gonna do that no more so they all dipped from that lifestyle and banned it for like every other hwang

the survivors of the hwang family came together to build hwang construction, which is basically just a humble lil family business filled w for hire brickmasons!!

20 dot points later and we’re finally at junho 🤪

he’s born into this family and lit all his uncles, aunties, grandparents, parents are working as brickmasons for hwang construction and ya boi... did not vibe in the slightest

as a kid he was alw sorta adventurous, kinda wanted to do a bunch of different shit but his momma reminded him of his path constantly... like she meant it in a good way but still

growing up in the hwang family, it was real taboo to be saying anyth abt guardian fairies and ofc our junho, the Living Disappointment, was hella curious abt them but he was alw shut down

when he was in middle sch he REALLY learnt about them and really wanted to become a specialist, even started borrowing his momma’s hammer to wield around like a sword cause it was the only weapon-esque tool he had that wasn’t immediately dangerous like a... saw... or something

mom found out and grounded tf outta him, and when he asked about guardian fairies she told him the truth abt his family lineage and how they came from a long line of guardian fairies until the occupation killed basically everyone ( incl his great great grandmother’s mother, the prev matriarch before her ), so it’s a sin 4 hwangs 2 b a guardian fairy

junho is kinda stunned by the news and lets go of it... for now... :))))

fully embraces the brickmason life after high sch, but he really felt like something was missing... like he truly felt in his soul that he was meant 2 b a guardian fairy like his ancestors

sneakily took the pre-enrolment assessment just TO PROVE to himself that he had what it takes and he rlly was gna just leave it at that, go home and be content w the answer

except they tell him he qualifies for BOTH combat and intelligence... so now he has Choices...

after sitting on it for real long ( so like a day? jk fhsd ) junho decided to sneak off to the academy, left a lil note on his momma’s bedside table while she’s sleeping 2 let her know where he went off to mulan style

now he’s here!!!

timeline wise, i would say he just arrived ( so not on opening day even tho he took the pre-enrolment assessment prob at the same time as everyone who joined on opening day... ya boi had to THINK )

personality wise he’s rlly a keep ur head down and work kinda guy, is pretty adventurous deep down but he quashes that part of him A Lot bc family :))) also rlly handy, will help u fix anyth that’s broken and i feel like a lot of ppl would equate him to a rock... boring but dependable hfhsdkjfn

also a lil titbit he truly hates witches espc after finding out that’s how most of his hwang ancestors passed, n this just highlights how the hwang’s strong familial bond still runs in him even tho he... y’know betrayed them

some plot ideas!!

maybe u guys met while taking the pre-enrolment assessment and yall got to talking, junho’s like nah im just doin this to see if im worthy but im not gna join lol... now he’s here :))) call him out

anyth in ur house that’s broken or leaking? junho is ur man!!!

u guys are in class and he’s come super prepared ( think that one kid w like 50 pencils AND a sharpener ) n he becomes ur new stationary shop ( who needs a pencil case when ur man junho is alw there 4 u )

specialists!! he comin in w a huge ass warhammer in versus mode wyd

1a roomies pls holla @ me

anyone he’s met before the academy?? he’s from the south so i assume he’d make some friends there!! doesn’t deviate much from there unfortunately... ya dude was boring asf went 2 work came back rinse n repeat

exes </3

bc im bitna’s mun... someone give me an awkward wink date ( his roomies prob set up his profile w/o his knowledge as a prank and now he feels bad he doesn’t wanna ghost but also he doesn’t know how tf to flirt )

uh... roomies who set his wink profile up who’s gna break the news to him abt the sins uve committed... the one time u see junho losing his Cool

wud b cute for there to be a lil bird that kinda flew into the window and now u n this short dialogue specialist uve never met are desperately nursing this bird back to health n being bird co-parents

as usual i cannot b concise but pls lov me n my new muse 🥺👉👈

[divine-draws]

okay i had a whole google doc that i wrote a buncha shit but imma try to CONDENSE it and make my ideas more clear bc there was some wishy washy in there. BUT dabihawks ice skating au bc im gay for that shit. all of it under the cut bc this shit is gunna get LONG. buckle in fuckers. ALSO FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ABOUT this i will be happy to answer shit :3c

SO fair warning before we begin. i know shit about ice sports. im like 1) not THAT educated nor have i legit participated though ive always wanted to and 2) this is just self indulgent so like if i dont get shit right or whatever dont come at me bro. im here to have FUN and live a bit vicariously. also as for location of all this shit i dont know and dont care and am american so my perspective on things are skewed. anyway cw: abuse mention

so dabi (touya) is a previous figure skater

he’s a figure skating prodigy 

enji was a pro hockey player (id say figure skating but this man was BUILT like a brick shithouse idk man) has a lot of championships under his belt but doesnt even begin to touch the legacy of his one sided rival yagi toshinori

him and rei meet and marry at a young age. she like.. actually liked him then?? shit was kinda okay but things kinda.... got bad quick. the abuse etc was ... yeah. she ends up having dabi and fuyumi (they’re twins babeyy) at a young age too and kinda doesnt feel like she can get out of her horrible marriage 

we wont dwell too much on the bad part of all of this though. anyway rei was a figure skater

p well known and known for her fucking GRACE god she moved so well on the ice.

she was so beautiful and spoke through her movements and enji loved that... and so as a hockey player and with a (now previous) figure skater wife he was like aight my kids WILL take up an ice sport and be the FUCKING BEST

dabi isnt made for hockey. enji tries to get him into it but it’s... nah... fuyumi isnt the best with figure skating. she’s good!! and her and dabi do some pair skating when they’re younger but it’s.. hm. dabi is the one with the clear talent here. (fuyumi is a beast on the ice when it comes to hockey though. will dominate. but she kinda... didnt really continue with it)

enji isnt PLEASED that his son isnt gunna be a hockey player but he still values figure skating and will fucking make sure he’s the BEST at it. and so the brutal training starts. he gets some good coaches and also takes up the coaching mantle 

the thing is.. rei was amazing as a skater but her body just... wasnt really made for all of that??? and dabi unfortunately kinda inherited that. his body hates the impacts and such. he’s amazing at figure skating. he has a grace similar to his mothers but there’s something more fierce to him. 

and honestly !!! he gets far!!

also natsuo comes around. he’s a bit too clumsy for either sport and resents the fact that him and fuyumi are neglected by their father. he also loves touya and gets so pissed seeing his brother so hurt

and shouto is born and this kid was made to be on the ice. he’s skating from the moment he can fucking stand on his own.

obvs enji’s attention is split but it’s mainly on touya who is winning championships and GOING places but it’s still not good enough

anyway idk how far he goes?? but it’s the biggest competition yet and on ice mid routine he lands wrong

one thing leads to the next and he’s pretty much medically retired from a young age. he can skate. he can still kinda preform but he cant do what he used to at ALL and he cant keep up with the brutal pace enji sets. there’s a lot of trying to push him still and it’s just.. not happening

for all it’s worth dabi is kinda glad he isnt doing it anymore. but he fears for his babies brother. shouto is a natural and while yes being a professional athlete of any sort is brutal on your body, his body is a lot more capable

but like touya before, shouto is pushed to his absolute limits. bleeding and injuries and puking his guts out from being pushed too far

there’s a lotta resentment but he still pushes through w skating. 

(side note but there DEF is some todomido/tododeku w hockey player izuku who ends up being coached by THE yagi toshinori and who helps shouto out w making shit his own)

anyway so in the end dabi ends up working at a rink tho lol

it’s p much owned by shigarai and run by the lov (who in this au end up making their own little ragtag unofficial local hockey team p much and play games against other teams like them)

despite his father’s whole career, dabi does enjoy playing hockey with these dipshits

but yeah he enjoys his time working at the rink, fucking around and sleeping in random places and sometimes running the zamboni

he’s also best frenemies with shigaraki. they get along and both deal with a shitty upbringing and despite some slight animosity they both would kill if someone fucked w the other 

(also at some point dabi DEF teaches some little kid classes lol)

also dabi does sometimes skate his own routines from time to time. only when he’s alone really. though fuyumi has a pass to be there though he will gripe still

SO HAWKS AM I RIGHT??

now there is a couple ways to go with this and somewhere in me there is an au with hockey player hawks who takes skating lessons from figure skater dabi BUT

i think for this au we’ll just say he was a figure skater from the get go

i think he WANTED to do hockey as a kid. like shouto he’s also a fucking natural and was skating as soon as he could fucking stand and walk. and he looked up to enji and kinda wanted to take up hockey but 

listen,,, trans hawks. who wanted to be like todoroki enji and be a pro hockey player. shit just.. didnt work like that though and besides he’s a tiny dude and god he’d be fucking obliterated 

he kinda is self taught and the ice is his escape from his shitty home life

idk how this works but listen gotta tie in the commission somehow???

he’s scouted or whatever for figure skating at a very young age and his mom is happy to take the heavy scholarships and happy to sign him over to skate for these ppl and have them push him to be The Best

and this kid is FAST. he’s fast and is insane with his jumps and stg it almost looks like he’s FLYING (which gets him the nickname hawks)

the coaches are brutal and shit sucks and a lot of the time it kinda sucks the life out of the sport but he still enjoys it

he has a love for outfits that legit have flare to them (also im thinking of johnny weir’s one outfit w the feathers but yknow instead of white they are RED) and while he does do routines to boring ass music he mainly likes doing shit different (also dabi was p much forced the whole time to do shit to that boring ass music but on his own he’d use his own music taste to skate to)

and he’s good!! he GOES places. he’s like makes it to the olympics at a young age and is one of THE youngest gold medalists for figure skating

im sure somewhere along the line him and dabi DID meet. it was at some competition and hawks was VIBRATING bc there’s ENJI and he wants and autograph and oH GOD IS THAT HIS SON??? he’s HOT. (and at this time dabi still had his red hair and like no piercings and what little ones he had they were out but this dumbass will not recognize him later on)

but god he needs to chill TF out or he will fuck up in the competition 

he hears about dabi’s whole accident and like feels for him but again it’s not like they were friends. there was more of a slight rivalry and they barely spoke if they did

but so idk like.. between seasons hawks finds himself going like nearly every day to this rink.. aka shigaraki’s rink (also sidenote but lbr it’s really run by shirakumo who kinda has to fucking herd the cats w this group)

as frenemies dabi and shigaraki share their distaste for some of these pro athletes (tho some get a pass) and kinda complain about hawks a bit tho like..... shigaraki cant complain TOO much bc of the money from hawks renting out the rink for a few hours almost every day

dabi is too gay for this shit when he actually sees hawks in action. rip him 

tbh they dont really interact tho (besides dabi telling him to gtfo the rink or he’ll run him over with the zamboni) until one day that hawks catches dabi skating

he was done and should have been gone but he forgot something on the bleachers and then he sees dabi and.. oh boy he’s GAY AF

and also dabi is RLLY GOOD???

and so hawks makes a FOOL of himself and startles the poor guy and p much presses all the wrong buttons w asking why he doesnt compete or something

and i mean im sure they had some SLIGHT progress w talking before. nothing significant but god the walls go RIGHT THE FUCK UP and dabi is pissed

tbh dabi was gunna get to the point where he LEGIT talked to him and maybe lowkey asked him out (he says this but shigaraki calls his bluff) and now there is no way. he storms off and tries to avoid him so hard

and hawks tries to corner him a bit but after some time he does manage to corner him and be like pls just let me take you out to dinner to make up for that shit????

aaand dabi accepts bc listen okay he cant say no to free food ??? like he’s kinda pissy w this guy but also.. listen he has EYES 

anywayyy p much this just leads to them dating

hawks DEF looks him up and watches all the vids of him and like the idiot he is realizes that he met him before ( “oh my GOD i know you” “uh… we’re dating i hope u know me?????”  “nO I MEAN WE MET AT (insert comp)”)

but before that dabi did like tell him some shit. mainly about like how he used to skate blah blah and the whole thing that ended all of that

he doesnt really delve too deep into like his shitty childhood until well later

idk what leads to it but the convo finally comes up and it’s so draining for dabi and hawks is horrified and ready to fight his dad (“listen i just sharpened my skates i’ll just-”)

anyway some side things bc this is long and i will answer questions on this tho

rumi is a women’s pro hockey player and fuyumi who actually follows hockey and shit has the BIGGEST crush on her (they end up together)

also natsuo comes to see one of the leagues games (he hasnt really seen them play tbh?? he hears about it from dabi but he lives like at least a few hours away on campus and is going for med school so rip him) and like he meets shigaraki and anyway dabi is losing his FUCKING MIND bc his best frenemy/boss and his younger brother are FLIRTING. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM???

dabi and hawks are really gay together and have skated together by this point and made out on ice a few times and shigaraki was miserable and is like “NOW U KNOW!!” and dabi is pissed bc “yEAH BUT THAT”S MY LITTLE BROTHER??? IT”S NOt thE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

[kaiynite]

what the hell happened in the locker room?!?!?!?!?

It wasnt in a locker room it was in my dorm living room lol

OK LONG POST TIME BEWARE

Ok so basically i like fighting ppl and also i think i was slightly manic and the boys were messing around and i was like i wanna fight and they r like uh kai we dont wanna hurt u and as that shit annoys me sm like IK were theyre coming from but it still pisses me tf so i was like dw and they were like ok-so this boy sammy whos like 6'2 or smthing was like lets do it, now my advantage is like im small and unpredictable and ppl never expect me to instantly jump at them, also i can scale ppl well AND my main move- (and yes emma i know this isnt proper fighting but we werent doing like PROPER fighting we were just.. Fighting) - is that im good at finding ppls pressure points on their neck AND when someone grabs on to me im good at using my legs/thighs to flip them, so this dude sammy was like wait wtf and i like had my legs around his neck and i just like flipped us onto the floor, now an important part of this story is i had gotten a new piercing like a week ago? And it was a cartilage one and was still kinda sore-now sammy was like shocked (and hurt) so he was like ok no and this guy tyler (whos literally known for doing martial arts) is like ill fight so i run at him and do a similar type thing the problem is is that tyler is a lot bigger in build then sammy and was kinda able to turn around and grab me and slam me on the floor. Now a few things 1. I was riding HIGH on adrenaline and a bit of pain already 2. I was now manic and 3. I HATE fucking HATE being beaten by men or pushed down or basically ya know having a man manage to hold me down so i started kicking and screaming aggressively -while we were fighting i had already kinda hurt my sore piercing while fight sammy it might have been bleeding a bit but when tyler grabbed onto me and i was like kicking and screaming he didnt realize that he like aggressively had grabbed and pushed me down and ( TW GRAPHIC) the hole of my piercing just TORE and ripped my ear. Now i didnt notice this bc uh anger and adrenaline but sammy and this girl Rachel had been watching and they DID so they kinda like scream and both grab my arms from under tyler and pull me up and im super dizzy and they go "your bleeding down ur face" i kinda didn't feel it but i touched my cheek and there was a lotta blood which made me like woozy and they pulled me to the bathroom and i see that my piercing (again TW graphic) was like hanging around tissues of skin and there was a lotta blood and basically rachel cleaned me up but i was still like on a high so i was like "LETS DO THAT AGAIN" and she basically had to hold me back to stop me from fighting and clean me up. It only started hurting after i calmed down and then pain

[apothecarywormcrud]

*drags over chair* omg please yell about kabuto i'm so here for this 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, and 10.

@fireemlmblem​ u gave the same numbers so this ask’s doing double-duty 

1) What’s a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

hes one of th best naruto villains actually madara uchiha eat my fucking ass. 

also when he was messing around w. those lil pebbles while doing War Strategy i think he should have eaten one 

2) On what do you disagree with other fans of your f/o?

this would suggest that i regularly interact with people who like kabuto, which i don’t, because i don’t fucking trust them (short of like, maybe three people). i know shipping him w/ snakebert is a big thing and i’m mostly ambivalent about it. like on the one hand yes it is an absolutely fascinating relationship dynamic and i have friends who’ve written some good fucking fics but also like. i think he should be able to live a life free of that influence. i want him to have nice things (while on parole and doing community service). 

5) What’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard about your f/o, either on the internet or irl?

i don’t particularly care for depictions that reduce him to “orochimaru’s simp.” he’s multi-dimensional you bastards but ofc when ppl are in it for the Hot Yaois none of that actually matters. 

7) Did your f/o deserve better?

boy FUCKING howdy do i have some opinions about this one. so obviously there’s a lotta naruto characters who got shafted out of a proper end to their character arcs (hi neji), but kabuto’s makes me particularly angry because not only are his issues therapy-no-jutsu’ed out of existence, but he doesn’t even get proper closure after the fact. you can’t give us some dramatic fuckin spiel about how a jutsu is gnna force a character into an endless loop until they confront their personal issues and come to terms with the thing keeping them trapped in a destructive cycle and then NOT SHOW SAID CHARACTER CONFRONTING THEIR ISSUES. if you’re gonna show us the tragic backstory that explains why kabuto is the way he is, why can’t we also be shown him coming to terms with that? (i’ll tell you why, it’s because war-era shippuden is an uchiha wankfest and god forbid we devote any time to anyone not directly involved in them). 

to add insult to injury, orochimaru gets resurrected, which means that even if kabuto supposedly confronted his issues, he’s still in a position to very easily be yanked right back into the codependant relationship he was involved in before. for all intents and purposes, he has learned nothing and is right back at square one. i hate this song. 

i do kinda like that in boruto he winds up as orphanage caretaker on parole w/ urushi, bc there’s something very narratively tidy about “orphan taken advantage of by the system returns to take care of other orphans and ensure they don’t turn out the same way he did,” but it really gets my goat that we know absolutely nothing about how he would up there, and also like, you’d think he’d have a couple objections about orochimaru being allowed to run rampant through the village? but like, i get it, nobody gives a fuck about kabuto so let’s just throw in a brief cameo and then forget he ever existed. it’s fine. i’m fine.  also every day i am thinking about how i wish he’d gotten to interact more with sai bc they were both forced by ROOT to kill people they cared about and it hurts me that neither of them ever really got the vengeance on the system that they deserved (to say nothing of the fact that as far as we know, said system continued to exist even after naruto became hokage despite one of the series’ original guiding points being that Using People As Weapons Is Bad.) 

8) Do you even like the source your f/o comes from or do you only watch it for them & nothing else?

naruto sucks but i like it and i love all my funky lil ninja kids. i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t marginally more interested in episodes w/ kabuto in than all the other ones, though. 

10) How did you feel when you realized “oh of course i had to like That Character”?

i felt absolutely nothing because this is just the way i always am. i see the most pedantic and insufferable little bastard imaginable and i go thats my boyfriend. 

[halflingkima]

Mid-Year Book Freakout Tag

I wasn’t tagged, I just watched a lotta them on youtube. I wanted to feel included. Also I’ve read more in the 6-7 months of 2020 than all of the past five years put together, so I wanted to sorta celebrate.

my goodreads | my storygraph

Q&As under the cut. (I hope read mores work on mobile, if not, im so sorry)

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2020

Still, Normal People by Sally Rooney. Never had literary fiction hit so hard before. Still shocked that I somehow empathized with/liked the male lead more than the female lead. Still afraid to watch the series bc what if it’s not as good. I read this way back at the beginning of March and I’m honestly not surprised nothing has come close. This wasn’t just 5 stars, this was a new all-time favorite.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2020

I really haven’t read many sequels this year. I’ve literally read Mortal Instruments 4&5, Artemis Fowl 2-4, Authority by Jeff Vandermeer, and Dark & Dazzling by Elizabeth Varlet and hated them all, so I guess the “best” sequel goes to Perfect by Cecelia Ahern. Both Flawed & Perfect were middling reads, 3 stars, and I found them a little uncomfortable in relation to “cancel culture” discourse, but at least they were entertaining, I guess?

3. New release you haven’t read yet, but want to

I’m really not big on new releases in the slightest (see: unemployed), but I have found You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat through my library’s hoopla, and I do plan on reading it soon. Honorable Mention to Love, Creekwood by Becky Albertalli, but I have a feeling that’ll be a little more difficult to get my hands on.

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

I have no clue how ppl learn abt upcoming releases and no desire to learn, as they mean next to nothing to me, a broke bitch. So I’mma say Loveless by Alice Oseman before it drops in four days. I’ve not read Alice Oseman before but I am SO thirsty for aro and/or ace rep.........

5. Biggest disappointment

The Confession by Jo Spain. It’s classified as a psychological thriller and reviews hailed it as “dark” and “twisting” and “gripping” and I was literally just bored. It’s not a thriller, it’s not even a mystery, it’s just a sequence of [awful] events told in an entertaining method – which is why it’s 2 stars. Literally none of it surprised me. (Coffee Cake by Michaela Grey was probably a bigger disappointment, but I didn’t expect much in the first place)

6. Biggest surprise

Honestly, Normal People, probably? I went in without expectations and came out a different person so. I’d say that qualifies.

7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

The only author I’ve read more than one book by and loved both was Annabeth Albert. Both Knit Tight and Conventionally Yours were 5 star reads, and I’d not read her before. I’m a little wary that she could be a cishet white woman writing only m/m but the stories themselves have not seemed fetishizing upon reading them so I’m gonna be optimistic here. I love the bg rep and would flip my lid if she published a f/f story, but hopes are not high.

8. Newest fictional crush

I was definitely into a couple of the side character girls in Skyward by Brandon Sanderson, but I don’t rmr their names :(( Otherwise probably Zafir from All the Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher. I mean, I don’t rly think abt him since reading the book, but while reading it BOY did I wanna be Brennan lmao.

9. Newest favorite character

Really loved Connell from Normal People, so he probably wins. Ayla and Crier from Crier’s War by Nina Varela and Spensa from Skyward are close followers tho.

10. Book that made you cry

Nothing has made me really cry this year? I did get a little misty-eyed reading Normal People, and I’ve shed a tear or two of joy at HEAs in a couple romances. The Parting Glass by Nina Marie Guadagnino was really fucking depressing, if that counts.

11. Book that made you happy

In addition to both Annabeth Alberts mentioned previously, All The Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher made me happy in a rly specific and unique way. It definitely could’ve been better and had more depth, but as I mentioned, I’m hella thirsty for ace rep (and it turns out I have a weakness for bi dads)

12. Most beautiful book you’ve bought so far this year (or received)

The last gift books I recieved were technically from 2019, and I’ve only bought 5 thus far (which is a lot for me but also: quarantine) – the original Shannara trilogy, Complete Stories of Zora Neale Hurston, and How Long Til Black Future Month by NK Jemisin and I gotta say that one has to win. I love the front cover, but the yellow spine just really [clenches fist]

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

I mean I’d like to get through everything on my immediate TBR, including the books I most recently bought for myself, but I’m thinking I definitely need to read A Line Made by Walking by Sara Baume bc I have a physical copy from the library and I think they want it back eventually. I haven’t gotten to it yet bc I can tell it’s gonna be 5 stars but I wanna make sure I’m in the best possible mood to read it so I can experience it In Full, y’know?

14. Favorite book community member

I don’t really consider myself part of a book community, but I do like talkin’ bout books. Guro’s a solid 50% of the reason I began reading again, Starlah is my favorite booktuber, and I’m enjoying watching Mina’s videos while following her here on tumblr. Also my mom, bc I can finish a book and then throw it at her and yell “read this” and if she does, we can discuss it lol

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 2 - "Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe" ~Moth

a lil sad to see my girl, Bri, go, but that just makes us one person closer to the goal >:3

dennis is very sneaky. we all had a tribe call and he said he'd come later but he was actually doing the hunt challenge. like that's totally fair, it's just even afterward he acted as if he was not really focusing on it either. im going to play the game assuming he has something, just in case.

GAME AND GAME SHOW ARE DIFFERENT DSJKLFHASJDJFH no but this was hella fun pls let's do it again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX3Fs7lDDQk&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn

Dhsjdjsjskksks. First tribal done. We just finished the taboo challenge ... A good bonding experience with my tribe. However, I have a feeling we lost. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 The fact that I was the guesser. Rip. 

I filmed confessionals but my internet got disconnected hahaha so that's neat. Hopefully there will be youtube videos here soon, but new update Jodi and I are in alliances with Dennis and brayden separately which I think would be hilarious if they were also in am alliance together. And it will be funny it my internet is still out for the challenge tomorrow since I'm the guesser 😆 whoops

So this is the beginning of round 2 and here are my thoughts. Might purposely not be helpful in the taboo challenge lol but i have to do it in a way that doesn't show im throwing it? tbh i say this now but when i start playing the urge to win comes in ugh but i just wanna vote one of these people out. I also took a stroll through the wiki page for this org and i love that some of these people (esp brayden and amy) have played before and their stats are there like yassss give me ammunition yassss!!!! anywho i dont care if we win or lose tomorrow i think i set myself up nicely within the tribe and i still really dont think any of these people won the hunt challenge on my tribe but again who knowssss. if we lose the logic would probably be go for josh or ginny aka the least active people buttt i dont think so like i don't wanna go the boring route. i need to keep josh close to get to merge with him we have friends on the other tribeeeeeee so i need them to survive and i need him and i to survive till we swap or merge to link up. im also trying to win a hunt challenge but my god y'all have me fucked up!!!!!!!!! i guess we shall see what happens tomorrowwwwww

It was nice sitting the challenge out, I'm busy tomorrow and the fact that they could complete it is good for me. Also, if we lose, nobody can blame me for the loss. Only drawback is it appears to me some people can be getting close by bonding over funny things in a game. I have to go back and see who may be close, I don't think I'm next on the chopping block, but I'm definitely not in control. To me, I do not need to be number one on this tribe, I just need to survive the next tribal and hopefully make it to the swap at 14 or 15.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm_dmPuwzzI&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn&index=2 anotha one dj khaled

HEY SO KIND OF A LOT OF DEVELOPMENTS TO MY GAME we didn't lose first challenge!! thats great. whatever. no tribal. I've been trying to connect with fellow tribemates but overall we're all pretty quiet. I did have a small 30 minute call with Jay where we kinda connected on somewhat of a game level. I kinda get the vibe that he may not fully trust me or he might see my as a threat, but I want to work with him. I also really like Anastasia and Elle, I think I can connect with them more on a more genuine level. Perfect scenario for me would be setting up a trio alliance of Me + Elle + Anastasia, and then having Jay on the side as my actual #1. idk if I can pull that off, but that was my plan heading into round 2 BUT. AS ROUND 2 STARTED, MY GAY ASS WON THE HUNT CHALLENGE. AMAZING. idk HOW I managed it because like?? I finished and found the hidden link within like 20 minutes? Statistically very unlikely BUT I'm so glad I did it. I WON A SAFETY WITHOUT POWER. It's kinda like a hidden immunity idol, except slightly worse because I can't actually partake in tribal at all. we went ahead and competed in the Taboo challenge last night and boy it was kinda rough. We lost a LOTTA points because we kept accidentally saying forbidden words (I lost us 2 points, woops). But we ended up with a semi decent score. Elle did an amazing job guessing. I really hope we can pull this out. SO YEAH SORRY THATS KIND OF A LOT. OVERALL I FEEL LIKE IM IN A DECENT POSITION, WAY BETTER NOW THAT I HAVE A SWP. I wanna further my position in the game with some allies now. That's my next biggest goal. toodles!!!

So I've figured out that Amy is a comp beast based on us discussing our old seasons and how she did in those: she always talks down her abilities because she's worried she's being painted as a big challenge threat, but I don't think she realizes that doesn't matter to me at all. Ultimately, I think she needed to be at tonight's challenge more than me, so I decided it's ok to sit out since I'm sitting out only because somebody has to, not because I don't want to play. In tribal challenges, it means she'll help keep us winning tribal immunity, and further down the line, if anything, I'll be using her as my "Ken" and if she wins everything, it'll keep immunity away from people I want out. 

I think I did much better in Taboo than I did in endurance, so I'm happy about that. Hopefully my performance this round can help me redeem myself with my tribemates.

Today in the fools tribe: no one is talking 

Holy crap we won yet again this is such a great feeling just like last season :)

Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe this round This time I think I’m on the majority alliance, which is a great place to be. So hopefully everything goes as planned tomorrow 

https://youtu.be/fszNKUHjB_8

So! We did the Taboo challenge and got second place, probs wouldve got first if we didnt get deductions but also we did so good so whatever 😂. I definitely kinda pushed for us to do the challenge last night bc it's Dylan's birthday and I didn't want to have to like, be anywhere specifically today 😅. But yeah we did super good and now I'm gonna go talk to ppl bc I've been gone all day lol

Bye I hate it here. 

~

SO. Here’s the rundown: We lost. Again. Pushing for Shaad to go. Moth, Jared, and Danny all agree with him going. So far I’m getting good vibes with everyone. Danny says he gets along with Jared well and doesn’t talk to Moth that much. Plus, Jared, Moth and I have that little alliance. Jared and I also get along well. Worried for Moth as she doesn’t seem to message a lot. This tribal... I’m feeling safe. I might even make an alliance with Jared, Danny and I. Worst case scenario for next challenge we lose and Moth goes. 

Yay we won again! Anyways, Dennis messaged me tonight talking about how everybody else knows each other from playing Stings games before. He said he checked the series wiki and got freaked out and told me that we're two newbies amongst vets. While he's telling the truth, I'm actually not too panicked because 1) I actually checked out the wiki before he told me about it and 2) I have pretty decent relationship with Amy to incentivize her to keep me around. I worked tightly with Amy for the specific reason that I knew she'll have others to work with, and for her to keep me as a loyal number. I also know that she was runner up of another series and she already recognizes the target on her, so I doubt she wants to risk me putting a bigger one. WOW FOR ONCE I'M NOT THE FLAMING TARGET I LIKE THIS 

Round 1 updates: https://youtu.be/5nhSsLNcnZ0 https://youtu.be/S5-0Yw93wc0

~

Round two rambles: https://youtu.be/CuwgF9IVmUM

So, tbh I've done some research about some previous seasons and I noticed Moth and Jessica have played together before. Moth still has not talked to me but Jessica has been overly friendly. I know they have a group message with Jared and I know he can be the split vote between what happens in our tribal tomorrow. Jared claims he has voted for Moth but we will truly see tomorrow. But honestly, if he chooses us, then Jessica is next unless the tribe swap or merge has happened.

~

Also with that research, I've peeped there's other connections in other tribes from previous games so this is gonna be interesting.

~

I chose Jared to work with mostly because I see he can play strategy.

Fools tribe is bad at playing games. And its perfect for me because I am safe but i am wishing for drama bcs its fun. rn we are doing small talk and being so nice to each other. I think we will form an alliance officially soon but i am too awkward or like i dont know how to say it or bring it up.

WHY! DOES! MY! TRIBE! KEEP! WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying to go the fuck to tribal council but noooo we have to beast all the other tribes yet again. Like a swap is probably coming soon and with my fuckin luck I am gonna get swap screwed like they are gonna look at me from the phantoms and be like yeahhhh theyve been winning lets get his ass out. i would love to lose this next one so the sees look stronger. if phantoms go to tribal I know I''m safe (anything can happen but I set myself up well), and thats all I care about. Jodi and I started to really talk about the vets who are playing this season, and we just realized that we're the only newbies on our tribe. like wow. The fantasy would be to get to merge and have a numbers advantage of newbies against these vets, or make the vets eat their own idk. Lots of thinkin lots of thinkinnnnn. I have been strolling through the wiki page some more and mapping out potential connections from previous seasons. The casting directors work hard but i work harder

https://youtu.be/gsDJIiGiqHE

https://youtu.be/V1ku4_-w0SY

Roses are red We’re on day six Fools tribe worse at challenges than a bag of dead bricks

That im one of the strongest competitors on my tribe, Dennis feels like he is on the outs, but that connects us so i can pull him in as an ally.

It’s been a tricky round 

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: Jodi remains at the top of the tribe for much of the same reason as last round. Now, she is even in two alliances with no one wanting to come for her nor do they see her as playing both alliances. Hopefully Jodi’s quick alliance making and constant worrying will help strengthen her defenses in the later rounds to come when people will be looking at her more closely.

Amy: Amy is still playing that stellar UTR game. No one seems to register her as a threat despite their access to the wiki and her performance in the challenge. Her social game is just too strong. Additionally, her greater willingness to work with Dennis than Jodi’s willingness to work with him may provide some good allies for Amy if she ever wants to distance herself from Jodi.

Brayden: Brayden rises in the rankings from last round as he has become more closely aligned with Amy and Jodi. The trio seem to see themselves as the only “active” ones on their tribe and are very quick to bond. Additionally, unlike Dennis, Brayden is not viewed with suspicion by either Jodi or Amy. They definitely feel more like a core alliance than they did with Dennis. Furthermore, Brayden is poised to get the people he wants gone out of this game. He is targeting Josh and Dennis which are good targets, especially the latter. All it takes is for Brayden to push a little for Dennis and I am sure the two girls will take the bait. Finally, Brayden’s connection with Ginnifer is very beneficial since he seems to be the only one willing to work with her at the moment. This gives him a very easy ally and Ginnifer doesn’t have much of a choice besides working closely with him. It is certainly an easy number for Brayden if he ever wanted to backstab Jodi or Amy in the future.

Josh: What lands Josh here is that he performed well in the challenge and is easy to like. Interacting with Josh on calls is always a pleasure. However, by not being part of that main trio, he is in danger of being voted out on a whim. Despite that, he seems to be, in my eyes, the least likely out of the bottom 3 to be voted out. Additionally, there is paranoia around people’s “experience” with ORGs surrounding these bottom 3 from others (despite the fact that the top 3 is composed of 2 people with ORG experience). Josh gets this heat the least.

Dennis: Dennis is in real danger if this tribe goes to tribal council. If Brayden pushes hard enough, Jodi can be easily swayed into turning on Dennis. He needs to back off with the strategy talk and just be more social. What saves him from last is that he is in that alliance with Jodi and Amy. This might make Jodi hesitant about targeting Dennis so soon as she may see him as a number. Additionally, Amy does seem keen on keeping Dennis around for a little while which would help his longevity. Hopefully Dennis can realize people’s perceptions of him before it is too late considering that he gives great confessionals and is one of my favorite players this season.

Ginnifer: Ginnifer may be on the bottom, but she definitely has a chance at avoiding being voted out. Most talk around Ginny is about how she is hard to socialize with, but I am sure, when the strategic game starts becoming more important, she can navigate out of this position. After all, she does have Brayden advocating for her which can definitely help. She would need to push for Dennis if she wants to survive until the swap at this point.

Fools

Jared: He takes the number 1 spot on this tribe as he is working with both “sides.” He is serving as the perfect double agent for Danny and Shaad. Additionally, he is making the smart move of getting rid of an obvious duo wherein he was the third wheel of that alliance. He has a great strategic mind on his shoulders, but is it too early for him to show that off? Regardless, he has earned this top spot by avoiding the target cleanly and betraying his allies perfectly. Jared is definitely a contender for the winner spot as he has shown some excellent gameplay these past two rounds.

Danny: Danny has done well in avoiding the target this round as well. He seems to be more sociable and active than Shaad which is the main reason that he is not the one getting Jessica’s and Moth’s vote. Additionally, he was the one that brought Jessica’s and Moth’s pre-existing relationship to Jared’s attention which caused this flip to happen in the first place. Finally, Danny made an excellent move by pairing himself with Jared as this duo could be something fearsome to go up against in the future. The cards are being laid out for a force to be reckoned with and I am excited to see what Danny will do in the future.

Shaad: It is hard to tell if Shaad did anything himself to avoid being voted out, but, regardless, he did something right by aligning with Danny and Jared instead of ratting to Jessica and Moth. In fact, even if he does rat, he will still land himself at number 3. He is not going to get voted out here, and has an established alliance moving forward. And now that he is putting more focus on the game, I am happily anticipating what he can accomplish now.

Jessica: Jessica is being blindsided tonight. However, at the very least, she is not the one going. Her performance in challenges have helped her avoid the target for the time being. Here we can see that the boys weren’t inactive, they were just inactive with her which spells doom for Jessica if this tribe goes to tribal council again. Unfortunately, the boys found out about her prior connection with Moth. The only thing Jessica could have done was to distance herself from Moth at the beginning of the game, but that seemed unlikely since people were inactive with her. I hope Jessica is able to survive until a swap because it would be devastating to see her go so early.

Moth: There is nothing Moth did that landed them here. It was just an unfortunate circumstance wherein they are targeted because of a prior connection. Additionally, I doubt Moth is going to see this coming.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: With an advantage in his hands and him being the most popular bachelor on his tribe, Colin is quick to make allies and his allies like it that way. It feels as if everyone wants to ally with Colin. His activity in the earlier stages of the game have definitely born fruit.

Elle: Similar to Colin, everyone wants to work with Elle. Her social game is just that strong. Nothing much else to say besides what I said before, but the challenge definitely helped raise Elle’s standings in the tribe.

Anastasia: Similar to last round. Nothing much to say.

Jay: He is keeping out of the spotlight which is good.

Babs: No developments. Still viewed in the same way though has noticeably been less unhinged in the tribe chat.

Jennifer: Still the same as last time: seemingly inactive and might be targeted for it.

[transbcyfriend]

Every Question >:3

well Shit ig now bc i’m Required By Law to answer these i gotta

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes – and god am i grateful.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

i mean i’m 18 so uhhhhhhhhh yeah

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

…yesterday? the day before?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i do it all the time at work so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i wouldn’t say mad.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

too many to count!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

a legend of zelda hoodie and a wild patterned set of lounge pants from pink republic. i haven’t changed in several days i’m uh Sick

8. How often do you listen to music?

if i don’t do it every single day it’s scientifically proven i’ll shrivel up and die

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans. jeans definitely.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

it did at the time, and not for the better. fuck that shit

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

mmMMMMMmMMM depends on the situation?? if i’m like clocked in at work, if i’m somewhere i actively enjoy, or on The Web™, i’m social, but otherwise i don’t rlly interact with ppl hnfngnf

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

not yet.

13. What about ‘R’?

nope!

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

can i get a FUCK NO

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

depends on the person. someone i’m close to and like? yes. someone who i’m not close to and dislike? nah.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope.

17. When was the last time you cried?

mmmmMMMMMM a few days ago? few days ago.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

HMMMM y’know i don’t think i would, mine are like ?? hazel and ppl make comments abt them being diff colors n shit in certain lights sometimes and i Like That so

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

in fact, yes! i would uh Die For Him

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

i’m sick and can’t breathe

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YOU KNOW I BE ON THAT GAY SHIT !!!!!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a wooden chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yep!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

oh yeah. god yeah.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

@lazybones25 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, not rlly. last time i got sick was … sophmore year of hs? junior year? i don’t remember.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

it was a gift from my buddy bri

30. Does anyone hate you?

there’s at least one i can think of off the top of my head, soooooo yeah

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

noooo, me? drink? me, a consumer of alcohol. ur pullin’ my leg, i don’t drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

i’m just Meh on it bc most movies nowadays are so played out and predictable that they’re just not scary to me

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

kinda, yeah. it’s an on/off want, still deciding.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

just one? fuck. any of the years between being 13-16.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

actually i did! i had a dream i lost my job bc one of my managers was in a bad mood and was basically like “well u should’ve thought more abt your career than ur education, ur fired since u wanna go 2 college, can’t change ur hours”

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

few hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmmm … unlikely.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yep.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i’d hope so! don’t gotta be, but it’d be cute and i’d Like That

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

it was ok – i spiraled into being sick, but it was ok

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

unlikely.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yep.

44. What’s the best part about school?

mmm mM MM prolly just making friends w/ ppl in ur classes. that, and just how chill the professors are. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

fun fact – i don’t have a facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

fuck yeah my guy

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

way too often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

absolutely not and god i’m rlly happy abt that

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

looking when college classes start again but i Don’t Wanna

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

i’d be lying to ur face if i said yes

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be – some ppl tho, i just. can’t. there’s reasonable salt.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve done it before, i don’t see why not.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

when the situation calls for it, i’d like to think so

56. Do you think you like someone?

mhmm

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

…… y’know i don’t think i have! that’s surprising i’ve kissed a lotta ppl

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

tbh p much the only ppl i tend to never rlly make friends with are cis guys. there’s rare exceptions, but the vast majority of my buddies are either cis girls or trans/nonbinary/etc.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

yep – a few of them. not many, but a few.

60. Do you hate anyone?

i wouldn’t say hate, but there’s a couple of ppl i severely dislike.

61. How’s your heart?

atm? better. better than usual, i’m rlly glad abt that

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

anytime from being 12-17

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

yeah.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

i ain’t gonna say names buuuuuuut Someone I Know

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

they’re painted a dark wine red actually, i uh got bored

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

best decision of my life, if anything

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

from my own Personal Experience, kinda? i mean every person i’ve been w/ kinda likes it bc it’s like, i’m letting my walls down and letting them in, so i mean ig

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

thankfully no!

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

@lazybones25

70. How do you look right now?

surprisingly decent for feeling icky

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

just two – but i’m content w/ that.

72. Can you commit to one person?

under the right circumstances, ya – otherwise i gotta dip

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

my roommate @stasiroowho

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

can i get a Hell Yeah and It Hurts

75. Did you wake up cranky?

no, i just woke up wanting attention and feeling Blah

76. Are you a jealous person?

hhMHMhmMMHMHM depends ?? ? ? if we’re talking from a relationship perspective, like i don’t give a shit if the other person wants to like, make a shitton of buddies and like actually Have A Life, that’s good, but when it comes to like, romance specifically? then i’m just. m i n e

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

very rarely, but some are and god is it so fucking satisfying in every aspect

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

can i get a HOOYAHHHH

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to the apartment and uh Feed Cats

81. Last person you cried in front of?

do i rlly gotta @ my homeboi ash a 3rd time

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

in a good way or a bad way?

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

yeee – in a good way tho

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably either just chillin’ watching netflix and eating chips/popcorn, or gettin’ heated while also shotgunning that good good

85. Are you over your past?

CAN I GET A FUCK NO

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

just two! and two’s a good number, i’m happy w/ that.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i’d immediately murder him on the spot. i’d still take the gifts off his corpse tho bc hey Free Shit

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

ya – i do trust that one, he made me breakfast one time so i wouldn’t burn my own house down, he a tru homie

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

uuuhhhhhhh-huh

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

highly likely

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

i used to! he was the Popular Kid™ back in high school, who fuckin’ knows where he’s at now

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

when i was like 4, yeah, we were each other’s childhood crush so uh shrugs

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope! things were getting heavy, but no relationship yet.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

absolutely.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

hmmmmmmmmaybe

97. Who do you have texts from?

in general? my mom, ash, 3 coworkers, one of my managers, my one tru buddy from the womb @infinitelycastiel, and my buddy lynette.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i mean ?? i’d b upset, i’d b depressed, i’d b a lil torn up abt it, but i ain’t gonna stop whatever happens from happening. not my choice to

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

ya – not too much older, but ya

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

AAAAAAAALL BY MY, SEEEEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEEEEELF

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

fun fact: no

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yEP

[trouvvaille]

[[I want this here for reasons... i love this so much, and it needs to go on this blog]]

vvicissitudo hey meen hey did u see im on for nearly fivve days noww

brackishbarracuda im proud tbh

vvicissitudo yeah? i feel accomplished

brackishbarracuda how long have I wanted u to interact w ppl istf

vvicissitudo i mean i wwouldn't call this accomplished but i feel that wway

brackishbarracuda I do shut up

brackishbarracuda don't actually shut up

vvicissitudo ahaha i lovve you i aint really TALKIN to people offerin idle comments maybe

brackishbarracuda it's a start

vvicissitudo yeah yeah it is am i uh doin good

brackishbarracuda you could stand to loosen up a bit

vvicissitudo yeah true but u kno me prickly af they gotta get thru the hard shell first

brackishbarracuda it helps when you give em half a chance

brackishbarracuda they aint gotta b best buds right off the bat u can b a casual friend

vvicissitudo u really think im bein TOO prickly

brackishbarracuda i just want u to have a chance to get out more clams

vvicissitudo i like wwhere im at

vvicissitudo besides most a these guys they aint gonna be here in six perigees

brackishbarracuda casual friendship enjoy em while it lasts get a decent conversation an if they dont come back oh well

vvicissitudo i guess so hmm but half a them aint replied to me or commented on my followw

brackishbarracuda so let it go and start another one later ppl got lives

brackishbarracuda whats up w u tho

vvicissitudo listenin to music up top lookin at the wavves s gonna rain not storm i think just rain

brackishbarracuda u wanna go for a swim when it starts

vvicissitudo shore its alwwavves nice

brackishbarracuda what uh

brackishbarracuda I mean we ain't talked reely much

vvicissitudo do wwe gotta?

brackishbarracuda and I got quads commin outta my ears

vvicissitudo ahaha that u do wwhat wwould wwe talk aboat me still feelin shitty ovver the other night? cause thats a thing

brackishbarracuda we aint gotta

vvicissitudo there aint much i feel that needs t be talked aboat

besides the wwhole thing ww... that.

i feel guilty

is it my fault?? wwhat can i do for that

but uh

other than that, nah. storms an rain an wwavves are good

talkin about that spill earlier tho got me itchy ZZ3B\

brackishbarracuda ive been takin deep breaths and movin em

vvicissitudo yeah

does that help

brackishbarracuda no

vvicissitudo tried pourin spring wwater dowwn my neck

felt nice but ddn't wwork

brackishbarracuda I just been tryin naut to think aboat it sometimes they ain't wanna open and I half panic for a second also it ain't ur fault also what do you think about the bouys 38/

vvicissitudo thats terrifyin to think aboat

noww i gotta open mine up an check em

ugh

wwhat you really think so?

an uh, wwhich bouys

brackishbarracuda yeah u didnt force her hand she fucked up an she shoulda been straight w him and i tried to fuckin tell her that but no an the clowns

vvicissitudo They're good. I aint too much talkin to em yet Tho uh.

Wwhich clowwns

brackishbarracuda clams the two im datin zee and arlequin

vvicissitudo I kno that... Just wwondered

Theres a lotta clowwns U kno i nevver paid much attention to em

brackishbarracuda would u

vvicissitudo Pay attention? Noww, yeah, I'm startin to

brackishbarracuda theyre good people

brackishbarracuda an i want u to be a part a all a my life vvicissitudo

i wwant to be part of it all a it i didn't followw any clowwns before an noww that i do

its hard

vvicissitudo i keep seein the text, the wways they talk an i see you happy an i feel bitter aboat me because you're my happiness u got a full house im glad for u

brackishbarracuda nearly anyway

vvicissitudo i just hate myshellf rn its nothin that

vvicissitudo its nothin to wworry aboat itll pass

brackishbarracuda i alwaves worry aboat you

vvicissitudo i hate wwhat loz did meen i hate it i think i'd rather havve just had one heartbreak to deal wwith i didn't evven get any closure i got to kiss him once i got to hold him as he fuckin died along wwith you an wwhere does that leavve me

vvicissitudo in limbo wwaitin wwonderin wwheres my makara wwheres my red wwheres the one wwhose gonna fill that hole an then i see ur makaras an i feel terrible cause i don't

vvicissitudo want to get to knoww them because i knoww ill just get hurt an i knoww they aint mine evven if i wwant them to be part of this family an its part a wwhat i posted aint no one talked to me last night i mentioned arlequin once in his owwn post

vvicissitudo that other captor  nevver replied to me evven after i said somethin that other ampora, the wwhiny one he liked posts datin back a wwhole swweep an pike a hundred posts besides im trying, i swwear for you but i dont my heart aint in it i dont i don't knoww wwhat to do here anymoray

brackishbarracuda you keep tryin

vvicissitudo been almost a wweek a godamn record that ivve been on doin social things

brackishbarracuda an im proud a u for it

vvicissitudo i got you thats al i got its all i wwant

brackishbarracuda an im tryin my damdest to help u change it

vvicissitudo i aint wwant to be hurt no more meen

vvicissitudo prince or princess charmin is comin to me this tide i wwanna knoww ur makaras but not ovver social media i wwanna knoww em wwhen they're ovver for tea or  sleepovvers or meetin the kids or meetin me

vvicissitudo it feels useless. *i* feel useless

brackishbarracuda you dont want to know where id b without you

vvicissitudo youd be sadder

vvicissitudo probubbly givven up by now

brackishbarracuda id be dead

vvicissitudo wwhat about ur cro

brackishbarracuda what the fuck about him

vvicissitudo wwould he havve found you or wwould you havve been dead beshore then

brackishbarracuda long fuckin before then

vvicissitudo wwhat wwould havve happened i can see u runnin urself into the ground

brackishbarracuda runnin myself into the ground bitin off more than i can chew gettin pissed and sad and naut havin a good enough reason to naut do stupid shit

brackishbarracuda every single tide you patched me up every single tide youve found me when i was low every tide you talked me outta somefin or made sure i was safe i mean fuck clams you saw what i looked like w/o u for a fuckin perigee

brackishbarracuda efin if id never met you you know how closed off i was how angry id have gotten into a fight i couldnt handle burned myself from the inside out

brackishbarracuda itd a been the oil clams

brackishbarracuda efin if naut literally cept thered b nobody to clean me up to carry me home to show me what the fuck home /was/

brackishbarracuda i wouldnt a had the kids oar you oar vis

brackishbarracuda you are fuckin necessary

vvicissitudo u wwouldn't havve evven had loz wwould u i i just realized that it wwas cause a me you met

vvicissitudo wwasn't it the first big thing wwas wwhen tavv tried to "help" me

brackishbarracuda i woulda had rez and fangs and they woulda left me and thats it

vvicissitudo yeah. wwhat about noww

brackishbarracuda i aint efin shore i woulda had sally

vvicissitudo pike are you happy noww

brackishbarracuda all i know is i aint happy w/o u

vvicissitudo awwww

brackishbarracuda youve literally saved my life so many dam tides mine and sallys and the wrigs does that sound useless to you

vvicissitudo you an the wwrigs are the only ones wwho seem to appreciate me yes, you're the only ones wwho count really an truly u remember wwhen u took me to that play

brackishbarracuda yeah

vvicissitudo an they stood in a roww an thanked us personally for comin i wwant that i wwant it all the tide i wwant people appreciatin me i tell people im wworkin on somethin to make helmsmens livves after the helm better i get "its impossible"

brackishbarracuda that aint a good example clams u kno how hard it is to accept good shit when it aint in your hand

vvicissitudo i tell people im a docterror an a chemical engineer an i get "so wwhat else do you do" i tell people im a reader a wwriter

vvicissitudo a pacifist an i get blank stares an topic changes i get fivve note threads on this hellsite an then nothin thats howw it alwavves goes

brackishbarracuda did u think for a minute that maybe ur just ten levels above everybody else an they aint kno how to talk aboat that shit

vvicissitudo i mention my name an people are pike "who" an i gotta say "eridan" before they realize an then they assume wwrongly a me i aint wwanna be smart if it means no one wwants to talk to me

brackishbarracuda ur doin good shit clams bc ur smart

brackishbarracuda bc a whats happened to u and who you are

vvicissitudo am i a good person

brackishbarracuda betta than me by a long shot

vvicissitudo wwhy i dont wwant to be better than u i wwant to be ur equal

brackishbarracuda then get me to where u are and dont u dare lower urself for anybody

vvicissitudo > You're stunned into silence for a bit.

brackishbarracuda i aint the best person in the world i aint that smart

brackishbarracuda im shit at p much anyfin that aint kissin somebody oar fightin em you aint

vvicissitudo or makin someone feel good aboat themselvves u do a damn good job of that

brackishbarracuda shut up for a second that aint the point

vvicissitudo im cryin AND laughin ill havve u knoww

brackishbarracuda good 3B* point is you deserve a crown more than i ever have

vvicissitudo wwhhat

brackishbarracuda you can patch ppl up and help people w real cod dam problems w real applications you kno history and all that shit you read you write you study ur in ur lab u work hard too hard but u aint a useless bump a log

vvicissitudo but you aint wwanna rule

brackishbarracuda do i look like i could manage anyfin close to rullin rn by myself

vvicissitudo that aint the point u don't WWANNA rule

vvicissitudo period do you??

brackishbarracuda why do you think i asked dirk to let me do political shit

vvicissitudo but wwas that because u foresaww this convversation or because you wwant to

brackishbarracuda its pike i told him im tired a runnin

vvicissitudo yeah?

brackishbarracuda yeah

brackishbarracuda idk wtf good is gonna come outta it but

vvicissitudo i can name good

vvicissitudo u bein by my side me being by ur side are you sure u wwanna do this last chance to back out u knoww

brackishbarracuda i aint got nofin to rule clams its kinda far from a last chance but yeah

vvicissitudo alright then

vvicissitudo so uh wwhat rule wwhat the wwhole planet?? this uh provvince, this continent, this bit of planet wwe call home i mean theres things wwe gotta think of

brackishbarracuda hb we just start w the bit were on yeah

vvicissitudo so wwe need to get scoutin parties together to see HOWW big it is an if anyone else livves on it an if anyone else livves on it then we gotta dispute

vvicissitudo buy their land rom em in exchange for goods or services a emperor aint bein servved hes servvin others pike wwe provvide food or electricity an they trade us

brackishbarracuda clams calm down

vvicissitudo ideally rn wwe feed their family/take care a their land in exchange for their servvices in helpin us scout out- wwhat oh

brackishbarracuda do u kno how many tides i had to retype clams calm bc lemme tell u

vvicissitudo uh oops

brackishbarracuda too much at once aight lets just

brackishbarracuda keep our shit to ourselves baby steps yeah

vvicissitudo babysteps yeah ideally this thing wwe livve on is only an island otherwwise wwe got barriers to wworry about pike cae said

brackishbarracuda either plan on defendin what u got or be ready to run right i aint runnin

vvicissitudo i lovve u <>

vvicissitudo u an ur beautiful soul

brackishbarracuda i love you too

brackishbarracuda <> <><><><><><><><><><><> aight im done im good thats outta my system

vvicissitudo thank you for listenin

brackishbarracuda you aint quaded to me for my looks 3B*

vvicissitudo damn right im quadded to u because of u

[dastardlydandelion]

more rubber duck ‘verse

misc tidbits abt what i’ve dubbed the rubber duck ‘verse fic i won’t write bc i’m attached now.

under the cut bc it’s long. 

max’s residual anger toward susan is complicated. she’s angry that her mother ever got together with someone like neil, that she spent yrs growing up in fear and that she has to bear the impact of that by proxy of susan’s decision to marry neil. but she also loves her siblings v much and she wouldn’t have them if susan didn’t get together with neil, and that gives her all kinds of weird feelings. acknowledges her mother was also a victim in the situation, isn’t rly angry at how it ended with neil but nonetheless wishes the rest of them could’ve left sooner— and left without the bloodshed —bc she defo believes neil deserved what he got, but she doesn’t believe susan or the rest of them deserved the fallout. she didn’t rly want to spent a decade without her mother and helping a v unprepared billy raise a child. :( 

before neil’s slaying, at one point susan comes home whilst a babysitting billy’s stereo is blaring and she’s like?? ‘the heck?? ur gonna make the bby cry,’ >:( and billy’s all, ‘no, this is literally why it isn’t crying anymore,’ and shuts off the stereo to prove it. sure enough, ducky wakes up and promptly starts bawling. susan is speechless, totally mystified.

even long after neil’s slaying, when ducky’s living with her siblings in cali, she cannot sleep unless she blasts a lil metal before bedtime. it puts her at ease.

ducky looks more like neil than susan. has neil’s hair, neil’s eyes. gets the tall genes from both of them tho. grows tall v early on tbh, shoots up like a fucking weed. ends up around billy’s height even going from puberty blockers to hrt. ducky does not have susan’s proportionately long legs, she’s got more of a long torso.

speaking of susan’s legs for days, uh. part of the emotional abuse on neil’s end was constantly degrading and nitpicking her appearance to the point that susan felt like a hideous blob. while she’s in prison she genuinely doesn’t notice when other inmates fight over her. even when one fight gets so bad the shivs come out and one lady gives the other a buck fifty to the face, susan is completely oblivious that she’s what’s being fought over.  

ducky doesn’t just collect rubber ducks, she kinda waddles like a duck too, is the exact opposite of athletic. max tries to teach her to skateboard on numerous occasions, all of which end in scrapes and bruises, a grand total of three prompting visits to the emergency room. billy tries to play basketball with ducky and the poor thing can’t get the ball in the hoop even once. he also accidentally knocks her out when she fails to catch his pass and the ball hits her so hard in the face that when she drops, billy swears he sees the lil’ cartoon birds flying around her head.

ducky is v good at building things tho. has an affinity for super complicated lego projects. makes a hammerhead shark for billy’s 30th bday and it’s literally life-size.

max sticks around even after she’s eighteen both to help billy with ducky and bc, like. yk. it’s a modern au. equipped with the modern cost of living in cali. neil’s life insurance only went so far. max saves more staying at home, goes to community college and works in the cafeteria on campus. it takes her awhile to graduate bc she changes her major several times, but by the time susan’s out, she has her degree…and finds herself working a menial job in a skate shop anyway. yk how it goes tho, lotta competition out there and sadly community college degrees are often undervalued. max likes the skate shop tho. quickly rises from an associate to managerial position bc she’s v good at setting the customers up with the right boards.

susan’s return is p awkward for everyone, to say the least. at this point max has worked thru most of that residual, complex anger, and she and susan have written each other letters over the yrs where the reality of the household was addressed v frankly and she didn’t hold back expressing those feelings at all. nonetheless, some traces of anger still remain and while she’s glad to have her mom back, susan too is adjusting to life outside in an entirely different state and she’s not quite the person max remembers.

susan actually has a lot of trouble coping with freedom. even before being incarcerated, she lived according to neil’s rules and demands. being completely and utterly in charge of herself is a struggle to adapt to. sometimes she asks billy and max permission for small, odd things neither of them would ever care abt and it just. makes max. so, so sad.

billy is often ??? when it comes to susan. tbvh he’s grateful she killed neil and that fucks with his head a lil. bc neil was his parent and yes, he did love him. he hates that he loved him, but he did. and he wonders if that love is why he didn’t kill neil himself, bc he 100% thought abt it. he also has no idea if susan regrets it or not, has no clue whatever her various apologies over the yrs were for. killing neil, being promoted to parent against his will, or for errything that came even before the night of the slaying. susan turning away, shutting her eyes to his bruises. 

also at first billy’s unsure if susan thinks she’s going to be head of household upon her return. since she’s like, the oldest and natal mother of max n ducky. this defo reveals itself to be an untrue concern in every way, quite the opposite. susan can barely comprehend freedom, let alone being in charge. some days susan dead ass asks billy permission to leave the dinner table even if she’s the one who cooked dinner.

ducky is also ??? when it comes to susan for v different reasons. she’s known the exact circumstances of susan’s incarceration since she was seven. before that, billy and max would be vague abt what she was locked up for and they never rly talked abt neil much beyond, ‘ur better off without him, he sucked big time.’

max is the one who eventually goes into graphic detail with ducky abt the whole thing bc she remembers that night and what happened before susan got home. how she had to step in bc she was fucking terrified neil was going to literally kill baby ducky. how she actually hit neil for the v first time even tho she’d wanted to many, many times. how she hit and kept hitting him, pummeling her fists against his body until he put ducky down. but once he did, that meant it was his turn. and ofc, neil hit much harder. max vividly recalls how badly her eye throbbed, swollen shut for two days. her nose wasn’t broken but it bled a whole lot, over her lips, into her mouth, down her chin, and the taste of blood lingered awfully.

ducky is naturally disturbed by the whole thing but her feelings toward susan aren’t as complicated as max’s or even billy’s for that matter. she doesn’t remember neil at all. and while she’s also written and received letters from susan, as well as the illicitly ordered rubber ducks, and she knows in a distant way susan is her mother, it doesn’t actually *feel* like she is. it feels more like susan is a kind of…special penpal, tbh. billy remains the person ducky goes to for parental guidance.

ducky still wants to get closer to susan tho. when the time comes for her to legally change her name, she asks susan to write a list of names she would’ve considered had she been afab, and goes on to choose one from the list.

even before she came out tho, ducky was p much called by her nickname at home anyway. both billy and max knew neil had picked her (dead)name out and neither of them rly wanted to acknowledge that. neither of them rly wanted to deal with the remaining traces of neil in their lives any more than they had to, any more than they already grappled with.

ducky has quite the degree of success getting susan into legos. this surprises both max and billy. but in prison susan would do crafts whenever available and she enjoyed stacking cups and stuff during rec time, so it’s not hard to translate these hobbies into legos. they build p neat things together sometimes— however, the hammerhead is all ducky, come billy’s birthday. she wanted to do that specially for her big bro, all by herself.

now, susan’s birthday present to billy is a big ass breakdown after midnight. lots of snotty sobbing. she hugs him so hard she’s hurting him a lil tbh and just apologizes profusely for errything and thanks him for taking care of her kids even tho he shouldn’t have had to. billy thanks susan too— it takes a min for her to figure out what for. bc they don’t talk abt that. no one’s mentioned that since she’s been out.

susan just nods a lil bit and lets go. they eat some more cake. life goes on. everything gets less awkward in time. susan stops asking for permission to move freely. ducky keeps filling up the shelves with rubber ducks of every variety, and dnd becomes another one of her interests in middle school, a hobby max nostalgically revisits with her. billy’s returned to surfing recreationally. swims a lot, finds it soothing and it helps keep him in shape. is a good low-impact workout to balance the weightlifting he still defo does, stereo blaring. 

getting a job for convicted felons is difficult but eventually susan finds work on a commercial goat farm. she learns to herd goats and takes them out to areas where there are invasive grasses or dry brush particularly vulnerable to wildfire. the goats graze on the invasive vegetation and the dry brush, which helps prevent wildfires. no, i’m srs, this is an actual thing. she likes the goats a lot. they’re easier to talk to than ppl, sometimes.